House of Mess

Been really busy lately, and one of the reason is the renovation of my apartment. A residence's presence is required at during the work from the 6th April to the 19th April. Oh and I got the honourable job since my parents work and my brother is still schooling.

So everyday, I had to wake up at 7 a.m, brush my teeth, use the lousy temporary toilet before the foreign workers start moving in at around 8 a.m. And then I would stone til around 5p.m. when the workers move out. So much for a life.

One thing hit my mind during the renovation works, I felt as i I'm really similar to a common household electrical appliance- the vacuumm cleaner.

Why? It sucks in dust, I eat them. See the resemblance?

Anyway, here's a look at my shabby little home.





This is how the condition of my home has been like for a couple of days.

It looks as if there is a bio-hazadrous chemical warfare in my house.

Anyone watched E.T, the movie? There's this scene in the movie where the boy's house got sealed up by the government forces. His house kinda resembled mine.

Dust, go dust! Scatter and fly all over like some sua kus and hug yourselves to our furnitures as if you've never seen one before.

I'm going mad.

Oh well 4 more days to go.

Sao Mu

Every once a year, during the Qing Ming Festival, I would go to the cemetry with my relatives to sao mu (bluntly translated, 'sweep tomb'). Tomb sweeping? I think 'tomb cleaning' sounds nicer.

I'm not a very traditional or religious person (I do not have a religion), I just do it for old time's sake.

I introduce you, my Ah Gong (Grandfather).



Ah Gong was a man of mystery back then when he was alive and not kicking. Why is he so?

Because my only recollection of him was him sitting on a couch, not moving, not making any noise. And naturally, he produced an aura of mystery. Well, at least that was how it was like to me.

Ah Gong's tomb is guarded by two stone lions. One on each side.


Cool, right?



Engraved on his tomb stone are names of his children and grandchildren.

Can you spot my name?



There! Circled for you, in RED.

We first had to clean his tomb and then decorate it with offerings and other stuff.


Nicely done, don't you think so?


Pretty colourful.

It is also in the custom that we should offer our already-kicked-the-bucket family members some, erm... offerings, yeah.

I, member of the Toh family should show you how we do it.

First, toss all the incense paper and the paper yuan baos (taels) on the ground. This serves as the base.



This is the first level.

Next, scatter hell notes over the first level. This will add on to the pile.



There you have it! The second level is complete.

Now, you should stack some paper items at the peak of this pile. Preferably, items that the passed-away like when he/she was alive.

For our Ah Gong, we gave a paper motorcycle and a pair of paper shoes. With so much hell notes we gave him, he can buy whatever he wants down there.



Done! Ah Gong is a fortunate dead man.

Lastly, start the fire.

And...


Let it burn...

Burn, burn, burn to hell! Oops, I mean to the 'spiritual world'.

Soon, the sky turned gloomy. Dark clouds were spotted. Comments like "O' heaven is crying for us!" reached my ears.

I was like, "Yeah, right. It probably has something to do with the air pollution caused by all that burning."

I'm an April's Fool.

Today is April's Fools Day.

It is a sad day.

Particularly for me.

I so cannot believe I fell for 2 April's Fools pranks!

I am angry.

So very angry.

My kaypoh-ness care and concern was betrayed.

I am traumatised.

I was fooled by amatuer pranksters.

I can't believe it.

Anyway, thanks for polling for your Yellow Yellow Stupid Fellow. But sad to say, nobody will be bestowed the title. Why? Because I'm lazy and two of them are tied at the current moment I'm typing this this is an April's Fools Day joke!

Hahaha! Not funny meh?

*laugh to myself*

Besides, it is mean to call people stupid.

I apologise to those people who voted, sorry for wasting your time (even though it only takes a few seconds).

Meanwhile, I'm leaving the poll there, so if you're ultra bo liao, go click on it and amuse yourself.

I'm still shocked from being pranked.

Watch out for me for I will be back next year!

Yellow Yellow Stupid Fellow!

Just so you know, my enitre building of flats is undergoing some major renovations. And today, as I was waiting for the elevator, something striking caught my eye, something YELLOW...



This sign was hanging on the pillar beside my lifts. What the hell? The construction guys must have a good sense of humor.

So I was thinking, 'Stupid? Yellow?'

The first thing that came to my mind was Spongebob Squarepants!

Let us welcome our contestant number 1!


This is Spongebob, main character of the popular animated series, Spongebob Squarepants! His stupidity has captured hearts of many fans all over the world.

Spongebob has this sickening laughter that tends to amuse the young and old, alike.

From plushies to underwears in pasar malams, Spongebob merchandises are selling like hotcakes!

This is one spongy force you don't want to reckon with!

Let us now take a look at contestant number 2!




This is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S in Pyjamas. This infamous duo started taking over the television screens by storm way back in 1992.

Like Spongebob Squarepants, the Bananas in Pyjamas have all sorts of merchandises featuring them. They may be abit outdated but people still worship them.


Invasion of Bananas in PJs!


WE LOVE BANANAS!

Whoa! That is one huge fanbase! Don't mess with them, people. They might just hop onto you, one after another, and keep piling up on you until you SPLIT!

Wow! All this stupid yellow-ness is certainly freaking me out!

But before we go, allow me to introduce you our final contestant! Contestant number 3!



People who knows her knows she is stupid and is obsessed with yellow. Nuff' said.

YUI: qing ta jia zhi chi wo! tou wo yi piao. vote for YUI!

Very poor romanization of the chinese characters (han yu pin yin), I must say.

It is time to decide. Who will be your YELLOW YELLOW STUPID FELLOW? The results lie 100% in your hands. It is time to poll! Closing date for poll will be on the 1st of April (TOMORROW! *GASP*). Hurry, vote now!

Note: Each poll is free-of-charge.

Go figure

What kind of brother is as good as not having?

A useless one.

Kung Fu fighting- up for it?

All thanks to a recent post on kennysia.com, everyone is in this myheritage.com craze. I am no exception.

At My Heritage, it is possible to find out which celebrity you look like based on the photo you upload. Sounds cool, yeah?

So I started looking for pictures of myself in the files and I found my first photo which I then uploaded to My Heritage.

The process of waiting for it to load was simply exhilarating. I was still panting when the results were shown.


'Wah! Stephen Chow leh... not bad seh...' I thought.

This is so great! Never in my life have I thought I would look like a celebrity. The system may be lying, but I liked it nonetheless.

Let me try a second picture. And similarly during the wait for it to load, excitement overwhelmed me.


'Wah again sia! Good, good.' I was loving it more and more.

To reaffirm myself that this is not a coincidence, I decided to try a third picture. My, this is so addictive!

I got this female typical guys would call 'chio bu'. I was devastated. What happened to Stephen Chow?!

Challenging the odds with my never-say-die attitude, this is my forth result:

Tah-dah!

I submitted 9 photos altogether and guess what? 6 out of 9 results stated that I resemble Stephen Chow! Woohoo!

I could show the remaining 5 to you as proof, but i think it is better not to disturb everyone's peace with my rather disturbing face.

I'm still ecstatic about my results. Wah! Stephen Chow! Me? Ok, Kung-Fu Hustle 2, anyone? I know wushu ok?

After the 9 photos, I still couldn't help fooling around. So...


What? At least I don't resemble Princess Sayako like this fella here.


Oh my, they look like sisters separated at birth.

They should seriously consider me when they are gathering the cast for Kung Fu Hustle 2. I mean, I'm a Stephen Chow look-alike afterall, right?

Coming to a cinema near you:

Late into the night...

I've always believed that there are 12 main reasons why being a female sucks.

Number 1, they have this monthly discharging of erm... stuff (not shit, if you discharge shit monthly, you must be seriously constipated.) It's called menses. Yeah, as if nobody knows what I'm typing about.

And the next 10 reasons are all associated with menses (temper as thin as a piece of tissue paper, the red stained fabric, etc.) I'm quite sure girls themselves can give a hundred reasons for that.

The last reason is, THEY DO CHORES!!!

I'm not saying that all girls do chores, but it is always thought that girls will EVENTUALLY do housework. Forget about those buisness minded girls or those rich girly girls.

I'm currently facing the 12th reason crisis. I'm doing housework. To be more precise I do the laundry.

My brother and I will be home alone for 2 weeks, no parents! Yay! And lucky me, I get to do the laundry because my brother doesn't know how to do them. *shrugs*

Washing the clothes is a tedious process. Can you believe I need more than 2 hours to complete them? I won't even go into the details. It's hectic, spell it.

I may sound like a loser or even spoilt, but the fact is, I'm a spoilt loser. I sometimes do the laundry all the way to the a.m.s. *whine like a going-to-be-slaughtered pig*

I suddenly feel as if I know Cinderella more. Oh when oh when will my handsome prince come? Take me far away from this treacherous place.

Get real, Cinderella. You'll still be doing housework when you marry.

To all: Don't even suggest a party at my place. I DON"T WANT TO CLEAN UP! Or maybe I should just hire someone to do the cleaning. Oh, I'm behaving like a spoilt loser again.